i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
