walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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