I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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