Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
