remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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