Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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