I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
