And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
a search helicopter?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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