don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
