im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
