i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
