So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
