He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
