I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize