I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My life is pants optional.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
