just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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