I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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