so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
