Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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