i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
