Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
