I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Randomize
