I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
