after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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