their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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