We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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