And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
