i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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