hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
