This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
