she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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