life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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