I just cut my nipple shaving
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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