we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
