i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
