separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
