Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
