I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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