that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
