He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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