Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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