i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
