I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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