i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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