Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
