Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
