his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
