I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
