so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
