I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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