dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize