It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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