I just cut my nipple shaving
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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