How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
