Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Enjoy the penises
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize