I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
