For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
