Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
