I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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