margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
