everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
