I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The Olympian is in my bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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