You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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