If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
