yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
