On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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