if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
