We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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