I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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