I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
