There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
