his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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